Life Goes On

I feel apprehensive about the posting I made last week about my Dad. I could not bring myself to write another word keeping that information inside me,tra-la-la skipping along like nothing happened. I feel like I blurted it out really fast, with my eyes shut tight and then on to happier thoughts, though. That is not what it is like. It is hard to live with someone ,so close to you, that isn't always there for you the way you think they should be.




It's hard to love, honour and give when you so desperately want to demand your rights. I find it next to impossible to balance this new role I have been thrust into and all the usual life stuff with six kids and the poor,bottom-of-the list husband. (Somewhere in there should be the animals but you can neglect them for awhile, as long as you ignore their messes!)




I hate having to confront my selfishness. I enjoy things my way and at my leisure. BUT ya' know what? It's OK. God has called me to love. That love is not just for people in Africa, China or a country in some special window. That love is also meant for those around me, those closest to me. He knows it is impossible for me to love, with this fleshly heart. That is why, the creator of this amazing universe has said He will use me to do the impossible because all things are possible with Him. I still clean up messes.



I still enjoy sweet smiles, hugs and songs from A5. I get up in the morning excited to see God do the impossible in me. I have chosen to daily walk in that expectation. Life will never be normal. Normal is a setting on my dryer. BUT life can be full of an incomprehensible joy found only in Him. I am fighting for it! How about you?

Enjoying My Kids

Friday I packed everyone up in the van (minus hubbie, who stayed home to have a day alone,they need them too sometimes) and headed off to Gainesville. We met up with my sister (single,cute,available)at the Florida Museum of Natural History. We explored everything from giant sharks to bat caves. There was no schedule, no plan-just us and the favorite aunt (brilliant,creative,funny).The highlight of our visit to the museum was the butterfly rain forest.



I truly could have spent all day here. If you are anywhere near you must check it out!!! All of the photos of the butterflies were taken by L1. She could have spent all day there,too.



The staff (including the security guards!) were friendly and very willing to share information with us. This particular gentleman from the butterfly rain forest impressed H4 with his ability to talk to the butterflies.






One of the butterflies wanted to come home with us!!! As you can see in the picture that I have C6's arm in a vice grip because she so very badly wanted to touch that butterfly. All the while L1 one was shrieking and telling us to hold still so she could get a picture. The truly amazing part is that this butterfly actually attempted to sample the flowers on my shirt. We learned that butterflies can see in ultraviolet and are attracted to certain flowers based on patterns revealed by ultraviolet light (see this page for a "mouse-over" demonstration).




Then she (I am assuming gender because we were informed that this type of butterfly's common name is Priscilla)slowly began to crawl up my neck. It was very ticklish. I wanted to shriek at this point.




Famished and in need of a recharge, my sister (talented,solo,joyful)took us to lunch at an awesome New York style pizza parlor. All the kiddos were duly impressed with the size of the slices and the paper plates they were given to decorate.There was conversation about what everyone was learning in school and a certain someone's birthday party.




As always, wherever my sister (bachelorette, smart, very smart!) is there ensues much silliness.



The peaceful ride home (except for the meltdown of C6 who could not understand why she had to stay in that blasted car seat) included leftover pizza and naps for most everyone. Thanks kids, truly you are blessings to this mama.




**warning** This blog contains subliminal messages***

A Smoother Ride

Today started with lots of coffee and time spent zoning out here in front of the computer. I moved very slowly today. I spent a large chunk of time in the Word and we all spent time outside,enjoying the cool weather. I kept thinking all day,how I am growing up,too. I am still learning my own boundaries. I have been a mama for 12 years and married the same number. I find myself at times wriggling around in this mama skin, not sure it quite fits me. I am constantly resizing it, lopping off expectations that weigh me down,adding bits & bobs,until it fits just right. Some days I am more confident with the shears than others. Thanks for your encouraging words!


::Why won't she ever just smile???

I have to be very careful to not compare and to let go! Arghhh, how tightly I clutch to things that do not matter. Five seconds on the other side of eternity, my pile of laundry will not matter! But the here and now can be so pressing. It is the cry of my heart to live an intentional life, mindful of people and not THINGS! An eternal perspective is needed in this mama job. But so hard to balance with all the daily, very real things I "need" to do.


::Mushroom castle


::Face creation


::What a Sweetie



::Hey, how bad a day could it be??? She has clothes on!!!!


::WIP

I am off to watch a super junky movie and do some stitchin'. It is just what the doctor ordered to this healing day.

Just Trying to Get a Grip

There are days when I am a really swinging, together mom. We rise early and before us lays every imaginable, wonderful thing. I am creative super mom on those days and say "YES" to every mess they wish to create. I do not feel perfect, just riding this nice little happy groove of children, creating, reading, playing and some chores thrown in there,too. I fall asleep exhausted on those days but with a heart full of joy at what I was a part of.Then ,there are days like today. Instead of my nice, smooth groove, I feel like I was dragged across a dry river bed. And somehow managed to snag myself on every piece of debris left behind. I cringe when my children suggest another mess. The day is just a countdown to bedtime. I crawl in bed wondering what went wrong. I usually want to cry but am too tried to manage that emotional feat. Truth be told I feel like a failure. A friend commented on how she would like to focus on how God sees her. I would like today to see myself the way God sees me. What does He see when He looks at this broken mess of a girl? There were harsh words spoken, missed opportunities to show God's grace and precious time that slipped through my fingers today. I know the answer is not for me to pull up my boot straps and try harder tomorrow. I will seek His face, forgiveness and pray it is a smoother ride.