Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Yup, That's Me! Totally Clueless!

The babe-in-belly my hubbie is pointing to in this photo rides a horse , calls her girlfriend on the phone and fills copious amounts of paper with her very own words.I was totally clueless as a new mom and yet, willing to do anything for that wee babe. I can recall rubbing the baby shampoo into my eyes to test if it was really tear-free. (It's not, definitely milder but not tear-free)There were so many choices-cloth or disposable diapers,shots or no shots, plastic toys or wood toys, could she survive without me while I took a much needed sanity break?!?!?!? Then we added The Boy to the mix and threw in four more kids for good measure. I thought I had a lot of choices before.Humph! Somewhere, in the process of them raising me, the choices changed. They are still hard but very different. Yes, I try to give them all a balanced diet but birthday cake for breakfast killed no one. Toys aren't such an issue with the youngest, I just try to keep her from sniffing the Sharpies too much. I think now about choosing to stop what I am doing and have a conversation or plowing ahead with my agenda. I choose yes to as many messes as I can. I apologize promptly after the meltdown that follows from one too many messes. I pray for the courage,when they are older, to apologize for the wounds I have made. I want to know them and I want them to know me. These are just the random thoughts that ran through my mind this evening, as I sat listening to a small group of couples, on the verge of parenthood. My eyes wandering over swollen bellies, chuckling as one dad's eyes glazed over, listening to a very important discussion of how often a newborn eats. I whispered to myself, "Alot and they want all of you." They do not stop at sweet mama milk. It is a violent,all consuming love. Tonight, I will watch my children sleeping and thank the Lord that He knew what I needed. I will thank Him for the privilege of walking along with this crazy brood of mine. I will ask for wisdom,as there is much I have to learn. I am still clueless.

1 comment:

  1. Amen! You are not alone in how you feel.